With an utterly feral reunion coming up we thought what better way to get in the spirit of things than to hand over our pearls of wisdom (or non-wisdom- depending on how you look at it!) to the unsuspecting public.
So here we go….
1. Buy a box of wine to start off the proceedings with a good foundation. Aldi do a cracking white wine- £4.80. You can also revisit this when you return in the early hours.
2. Make sure you eat something substantial in the morning. You will probably get so drunk you forget food even exists and possibly won’t eat all day. This is when you find yourself in Mr Ali’s kebab shop at 4am screaming at him to put more cheese on your chips.
3. A pair of sunglasses might be useful, they will hide your ‘wino-eyes’ so you can still take a nice shot. Disclaimer- you may lose these. Utterly feral cannot be held accountable for any losses.
4. Take a bottle of wine in your bag. In the day your bag won’t get searched and you might want to pour it under the table to keep costs down. #justsaying
5. It’s more fun if you have no idea where you are going. Just go with the flow and follow your heart.
6. Make sure you wear something that will take you from day to night, because you may well start in the back garden and end up in a night club. Flats are highly recommended. Block heels might work. Kitten heels absolutely prohibited for obvious reasons. They are horrid.
7. A drink always tastes better when it’s free. Randoms are lucky to have you in their company and they should buy you drinks for the banter. You may have to speak to suspicious characters for ten or so minutes to get these free drinks, but you have your feral pals to help you through it. When achieved, if possible, say you’re going to the toilet and run away. If you can’t get rid: Say you hate them or just randomly start screaming about politics or any other awkward topic.
8. Drink as fast and as hard as you can. If you’re sick that’s fine (I vomit at least once a month during a day-sesh) there’s no shame in it. Just sort your shit out and get back on it. You can go hard or you can go home. Do not under any circumstances pace yourself.
9. Later on in the day if you’re bored of drinking prosecco and/or wine. Start mixing drinks. Vodka red bulls or Jagerbombs will give you the boost you need to keep going all day and night.
10. When you are royally pissed and slurring, don’t worry if you start revealing all the secrets you have ever known to the group. Don’t even worry if you embellish the tale with lies. (See Cheshire Cat in Glossary). Only the elite members with ‘The Gift’ will remember this.
11. Do not have a set budget. You can’t put a price on feral memories.
12. This is mandatory: Play games! You are never too old. Games are so much more fun when you’re drunk! Utterly feral’s top games are: ‘Never have I ever’ and Cards against Humanity But we’re not adverse to changing up the rules of a standard board game to suit.
13. Look after your feral mates. Do not under any circumstances lose or leave them. If their lipstick is smudged or a false eyelash is hanging off tell them immediately and help them reapply if necessary. If they look shit, you look shit.
Enjoy and drink safely.
Please note content may have been exaggerated for entertainment purposes.
Quotes created with Typorama. Own photos edited with ‘Animal Face’ app.