The Dust Fairy Strikes again…
I am one half of a wonderful marital Union. A marriage full of love, laughs and a shared affinity for tasty food and ‘fine’ wine, well wine anyhow.
We share our home with a plethora of animals, host wonderfully pissed up dinner parties with friends, play tennis in the garden and regularly moan at each other about the increasing gas bill and the incredible amount of DIY renovations still to be done. We’re quite normal…ish.
I work three days a week at one job and then from home for the other two days. The light of my life works full time. So despite us both working in challenging professional jobs and constantly being busy with the general rat race of life- I am quite proud to tell you our home is almost always quite clean and tidy. (I mean it’s not Kim and Aggie style clean at all times, but it’s not half bad.)
I’m pretty sure my husband attributes this to regular visits from the ‘Dust Fairy!’
“Who’s the dust fairy?” I hear you cry!
She’s a magical frigging creature that comes into our home and does all the jobs that Mr S doesn’t know exist. Jobs beyond his wildest dreams.
Now I can’t tell you what she looks like, because I haven’t seen her. But she simply must exist, because according to my handsome spouse I don’t do much housework and I know for damn sure that our house is clean!
Need the bathroom cleaning? Not a problem.. Simply supply the dust fairy with a tin of Cif Bathroom mousse and a bottle of bleach and all traces of man poo will vanish and that enamel will be scum-free by the time his majesty comes home for his evening shower.
The dust fairy regularly comes into our home and dusts unheard of things like the skirting boards, and actually cleans the unused rooms. God bless her soul.
The dust fairy collects all Mr S’s useless shit from around the house and puts it away. I love her for that.
She will Hoover and mop the whole house while I sit around playing on Twitter and watching Game of thrones.
The dust fairy regularly wipes carpets, cushions and sofas. Creating a fur free environment for us.
She also pops out to the Asda a few times a week to make sure that we have actual physical food in the fridge and cupboards. She even portions out all the meat into snappy bags to freeze them into budgetary friendly portions. What a star!
She’s a good egg, we don’t even pay her for these services.
Having said all that, while I am obviously a bit of a lazy feral bitch. It would be remiss of me not to mention that Mr S is quite well house-trained himself. He likes to give the dust fairy a helping hand.
He can scrub a dish, wash a soiled garment and he mows a mean lawn- super S is not shy of hard work. So it’s understandable really that when he gets home from work on my ‘day off’.. wondering what I have been up to all day (usually when he notices his beloved laundry hasn’t been completed) that he is disappointed by my ‘lack of work’. I simply tell him I have been sat on my arse all day eating complex carbohydrates and playing on candy crush. (The dust fairy does actually do regular laundry but she leaves some for Super S. She simply must give him a purpose in life. She’s kind like that).
So there you have it peeps, why bother cleaning your home? Simply wait until it’s a festering shithole; put your feet up with a G&T and let the bastard dust fairy do it instead! She’ll get all the credit anyway.
Quotes created with Typorama. Own photos edited with ‘Animal Face’ app.
Cover photo copyright free.
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