10 reasons why I love wine
A little something to set you up for the weekend….
By our resident piss artist- Clara
1. Wine doesn’t answer you back or bollock you for being too pissed. It just slips into the glass, minds it’s own business and let’s you get royally drunk. What’s not to love?
2. As a follower of the twat diet (see glossary) the only source of fruit I get is from the grape. Liquified and fermented, never fresh. I saw them make wine on the Kardashians once in Napa valley. So I’m ingesting fruit with every glass. It’s one of my five a day.
3. It makes me look classy. Now none of us feral ladies are actually posh, but when I’m holding my lovely shiny wine glass delicately like a lady in Bakerie and see fellow sophisticated people doing the same, it makes me feel upper class. (Disclaimer: Looking sophisticated may be temporary. I.e- When you fall arse over tit while trying find your lippy!)
4. Even if you’re skint, somewhere will offer a cheap wine deal. I personally know at least ten shops in Manchester alone that have a wine deal at some point in the day or you can get a ‘sit down’ bottle for £8-£10 in Trof, Tribeca and many fabulous establishments on Canal street.
5. Now I’ve been pissed in my time, but there’s nothing like being ‘Wine Drunk’. Complete black outs and memory loss, being obscene and feral, revealing secrets, making new friends and losing them again. All solid ingredients for a truly feral night (or day) out.
6. It’s socially acceptable to drink it in front of anyone. Family members, colleagues, your partners family, anyone really- without them thinking you’re a total pisscan. I mean you can hardly have a strawberry daiquiri or a jägerbomb with your Sunday roast can you?
7. It’s goes fabulously with cheese. Giving you a valid excuse to eat more cheese. If you don’t like cheese, well I just feel sorry for you.
8. It’s acceptable to drink it on a plane; there are often deals on Ryanair and Easyjet E.g. Buy two mini bottles of wine, get one free! Love a BOGOF deal.
9. It’s more cost effective to drink the whole bottle than buy two glasses. Sells itself really.
10. It also comes in a bag! Now many people feel frightened by a bag of wine, but try it and embrace it! The first glass may taste like vinegar but once you power through you will feel like you are drinking the sacred wine of The Last Supper.
Do try this at home: Despite our age, we like to lie on the floor and pour it directly into the mouth. It’s not big and it’s not clever, but …it IS hilarious.
Quotes created with Typorama. Own photos edited with ‘Animal Face’ app.