Last week it was our ‘engagement anniversary’. So I’ve been thinking about just how incredibly fucking lucky Mr S is to have landed a wife like me.
Got me to thinking that everyone loves a little love story and ours is quite funky..
So here we go..
Once upon a time in the Land of Liver birds, there lived a young maiden, Amelie. The maiden lived atop an old rickety tower surrounded by books, folders, cider and Asda Smartprice food with her fellow scholars. Despite her cheery demeanour and zest for life she yearned in her heart to find her one true love, her Romeo to Juliet; the answer to her hearts duet. Someone to whisk her away on the back of a white noble horse, gown billowing behind her; whilst declaring his undying love and devotion.
The young maiden (despite outward appearances) was desperately bashful around suitors …she found that she needed to drink magic potion after magic potion to even consider courting these gentlemen.
The young maidens’ brother suggested that his dearest companion ‘Mr S’ yearned for her.. Amelie, did not believe this tale at first, and so when she found it to be true, her heart sang. Mr S was a handsome prince.
Anyway I’m sick of writing like that..fuck me it’s hard. I just keep thinking of Shrek and it’s putting me off. So…
Basically, Mr S thought I was fit as fuck…I mean, why wouldn’t he? I thought he was pretty darn fine too. So we arranged to go out on a date. He took me to a lovely country pub and we got to know each other a bit better. Chatting away, we realised we had loads in common. Both sporty, both loving a joke and both ultimately wanting the same things.
At this point its important that you realise, I was a student; living away from home, who had just finished the first year of a five year commitment.
So we went out a few times and we were pretty much a little item for that summer. Mr S was the perfect gent, he listened, made me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world and most of all (and I’m not being big headed when I say this) he adored me.
So it will come as a bit of surprise to you, when I tell you that I fucked him off via text at the end of the summer to go to Greece on an 18-30 holiday with Clara Feral; telling him the long distance relationship just wouldn’t work when I went back to university. (He told me years later he smashed his phone up when he received that text!)
Now, don’t be too mad at me. I was nineteen and an absolute fucking idiot. I started to realise the error of my ways pretty quickly. Mr S’s name began creeping into my girly wine chats with flatmates. When I realised that there was a giant number of dickhead men in the world I began to wonder if I hadn’t made the biggest mistake of my life letting this true gentleman slip through the net. But, he was my brothers best mate…and he lived so far away from Liverpool and I had fucked him off in the most despicable way?! Argh… So I shrugged it off and just carried enjoying life with the hope of finding ‘The One’ or even just ‘One that wasn’t a swine’.
Turns out that what I did find in my search was heartache, dismay, betrayal and also a keen understanding of the fact that some men are just fucking toe-rags. Most fella’s just clearly wanted a shag and no commitment or to cheat on the girlfriend with me, I just didn’t get it. That kind of caper just wasn’t for me, I was having no part in it. I put my heart on the line so many times, only to have it trampled on. I came across a couple of good ones, but they just didn’t make my heart sing.
I trudged through uni, living life to the fullest, and oh boy did I enjoy life. Eternally optimistic and single- I had Clara with me and a decent group of uni pals so I didn’t notice or care too much. I did enjoy a few brief ‘romances’, all ending in disappointment.
Although he was always on my mind- I found myself in a cap and gown accepting my scroll and looking for a place of my own when I got to seriously thinking about Mr S again.
So I did what most sane women would balk at.. I summoned up the courage to create my own destiny. I called him. Granted, I got really fucking drunk and did it. It took some doing, let me tell you. I also knew Mr S had been snapped up by another woman and even lived with her at this point; so chances of rejection were high, but I had to try.
I work best under pressure. But this was another level.
“Hi, it’s me…ummm do you know who it is?” I said.
“I’d recognise your voice anywhere” he whispered down the phone.
At this point I just had to get out what I’d set myself up to say…
“I just wanted to say that- I think I made the biggest mistake ever letting you go and I haven’t stopped thinking about you in three years!”
“What??!” He asked incredulously moments later.
And I just repeated it, I can’t remember the rest of the conversation really because it was one of the scariest moments of my life and I’ve done bungee jumps and everything. Also, like I say- I was leathered.
He kept his cards pretty close to his chest about whether or not we were going anywhere, so for a few days I felt as if I had gone out on a limb and still didn’t know if he wanted to be with me.
But I now know that the very next day Mr S finished with his current girlfriend of two years and moved out!
About a week later I text him to say I was at a BBQ in our hometown if he wanted to drop in, casual, no pressure like.
He dropped in. He fucking dropped in! I can remember my heart pounding when I saw him.
We spent the whole night ignoring everyone else, it felt as though it was just the two of us in a happy little love bubble.
He had just moved into a new flat and asked if I wanted to go and have a look…
“Aye aye, no funny business!” I said laughing, but I knew he was a gentleman and didn’t mean it like that. So off we went.
Now this is a moment I will never forget….
We got to the front door and it seemed he just couldn’t quite fathom the keys, so he was awkwardly fumbling away over the keys trying to find the right one … When all of a sudden..
“Ohhh fuck this!!!”
He shouted throwing his keys dramatically to the ground. He raced towards me with a determine look in his eyes, picked me up and kissed me so passionately, I blush thinking about it even now.
Do you know what though, I realise it’s horribly cliché, but I knew from that very moment I was going to marry him.
Seven years later as we approach our fourth wedding anniversary, here we are; as content as we were that night back in July 2009 and I intend on working very hard at making him a happy man for the rest of our lives.
So thats us, the real life Monica and Chandler! One day I will tell you about our magical wedding day in Italy, but that’s enough love for one day. Don’t you think?
Quotes made using Typorama. All images copyright free. Animal head photos edited with ‘Animal face App’.