Back to school Bullsh*t

So that’s it!!!! Tomorrow my young ferals go back to school!

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I’m officially bankrupt, have put on at least two stone- hoovering up children’s leftovers and I’m bloody drained. I couldn’t possibly answer any more inane questions if I tried. I think I’m brain dead.
Not to mention the poor dog, she’s definitely come off the worst! She can’t even venture out into the garden for a piss without dodging footballs and water pistols. Nervous wreck she is. Poor bugger.

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Anyway…

 

Earlier I took the youngest feral out to pick a new school bag, he actually asked me if I was still in my pjs!
I wasn’t (just leopard print joggers and a grey t-shirt). This is what I have become……. A wretched pig of a woman who can’t even be arsed to put something nice on in the morning.

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God love him though. We chatted over a costa and a couple of cakes and he was delighted with his new bag, a rather chavvy affair from JD sports.
He doesn’t want to go back to school he’s had so much fun, those youtube videos he’s been glued to and minecraft must have been really awesome!

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The oldest feral is now to cool for anything I suggest. Ranging from days out, new things for school and birthday presents! He turns ten next week and I don’t know where my little boy has gone. It makes me kind of sad. I’d love him to be a little baby again.No back chat or lip, just adoration for his mummy. I’ve mentioned it before but the attitude out of him, is unreal! Had lots of it over the last six weeks.

Apart from our little jaunt to Cyprus for the week I can’t actually tell you what we have done, but we have been so busy! I mean Jesus Christ it’s all blurred into one big shit storm. Bike rides, the park, dinners out, football…… But, I don’t know what the fuck we’ve been doing for the most part.
Here we are though, we all survived it.
I must continually remind the young ferals of all the fun we have had so when the teacher asks it looks like they haven’t been glued to their iPads for the duration.. Know what I’m saying. Oh and yes we have been doing lots of reading and writing……. GOOD ONE.

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Facebook will be full of pictures of children in their school uniforms tomorrow. All done up like a dogs dinner! Parents exclaiming that they don’t want their children going back to school as they will miss them.

 

*cough*

 

“Bullshit!” I’m calling absolute bullshit on this! Right here, right now.
The only thing I will miss is the lie-ins! They’ve been glorious.
Definitely not going to miss the screaming, shouting and tantrums. And that’s just from me.
I mean, really, how do people have the time to do this?! Yeah ok, take a picture, I do that, but then to upload it to every social media site before the school-run with a lengthy caption?! My kids will be lucky to get breakfast. I haven’t been out of bed at that time for six weeks so it’s going to be a real shock to the system in the morning. But some people are busy bastards after all and want everyone to think they are super mum…..or dad.
When in fact, little Joe from down the road who’s clogging up my Facebook wall is a little twat and will probably be expelled come November.

 

Preparations for the school run tomorrow will involve utilising my ninja training so I can quickly dodge out of sight to avoid the small talk with the other mums. (See who’s who in the school playground, for more info.)

 

No Jenny, I couldn’t give a flying fuck how Croatia was!

Everyone filling each other in on how wonderful their school holidays were, blatantly lying through their teeth.
Count me out! I’m heading straight to the Trafford centre for some retail therapy knowing full well I’m free until 3:15pm. I cannot wait.

And just when we are all back in the swing of things with the school run, it will be school holiday time again. Does anyone else think that the last school year has flown by? I get over one school holiday and the next is upon me. It some kind of fucking hocus pocus, Harry Potter wizardry shit.

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I love my boys lots so don’t get me wrong, it’s not all been truly terrible. In fact it wasn’t half as bad as I had feared it would be back in July, but it has been very hard work.

 

I could never be a teacher. They honestly need a bloody medal. I like my kids and feel I could strangle them most weeks. Imagine looking after twenty plus kids, (some of whom will be absolute little shits) and trying to refrain from leathering them daily. Knight the lot of them I say…..

 

So looking on the bright side of things the next school holiday is only a week long, so it should be a walk in the fucking park after the last six weeks.

 

 

Happy ‘Back to school’ day fellow mummies!

Love Freya

x

3 Little Buttons

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All photos copyright free. Quotes by Typorama. Animal face app.

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4 thoughts on “Back to school Bullsh*t

  1. I’ll be taking my boy to school for the first time next year. I’m apprehensive but he’s at nursery full time so don’t see it being too scary, just emotional! Well done to all the parents of older kids that have just survived the holidays! #dreamteam

    Liked by 1 person

  2. WELL SAID!!! You have captured our feelings as well.
    I have seen a lot of ‘I’m going to miss my kids’ crap as well. Prrrrt to them.
    When my kids went into class I hopped all the way home, it’s hard work having them at home for this length of time #DreamTeam

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Haha on behalf of all teachers – thanks for the medal.
    As for the parents in the playground my working hours mean I will avoid this and although that upsets me, it’s a blessing too.
    Going back to school gives us routine and that settles everyone, good luck with the pj removal once your energy is restored. #Dreamteam

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Haha love how you say it like it is! I have a 1 year old and a 12 year old and I have to say for the pre-teen, it is a relief to have him back at school. Back to the routine…it’s been lovely but the late nights, way too much sugar and endless Rocky/Die Hard movie marathons have taken their toll 😉 Thanks so much for linking up to #dreamteam enjoy your little bit of peace! xx

    Liked by 1 person

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