How to boss Christmas when you’re Piss Poor



I spend all my money on holidays and getting pissed and I’m not very organised, so when December arrives I think….




My dress for the Christmas do cost me £150 so I have overspent on myself and have nothing left for anyone else. Oops. I’ve done it again.


I would love to say my best tip is to plan and start saving and buying things in the January sales, but I have never done this so don’t expect you to either.




So if you are as last minute as I am, here are my top tips for sorting your loved ones some Christmas presents.


1. Don’t fucking worry.
Christmas is about spending time with the people you love and getting mortal drunk. At the end of the day keep this in mind because this is the most important thing. Everyone will forget their Christmas presents after a week or so, but memories last longer.

Expensive shit means fuck all. Memories are priceless.




2. I know you’re skint, but look at what little money you have to work with and work out who you need to buy for. You need to have some sort of plan. Make lists.
If you’re going to make something, create a budget for what you actually need to buy first -before you go wild in the shop.

3. Sales are your best friend. They do exist in December, I promise you! I always look out for brand events at House of Fraser, M&S have started their sales in December before and I got some lovely kids clothes last year from Debenhams in the sale. Also Primark is like one permanent sale, Christmas jumpers, hats, socks etc….enough said. Just rip the tag off if and/or or stick it in a nice box so it looks classy as fuck! The internet is amazing, go online and get bargain hunting. The best place to start to find sales online or in store is
Or just eBay yourself to death like us ferals.



4. Competitions! Just enter a few, even if it’s not something YOU would want- maybe your Aunty might like it? Here’s one for you…. Our Prosecco wall sticker competition! Enter here or here! Don’t be shy it’s easy!


5. You don’t have to buy your mates presents. They don’t need you to buy for them and you don’t need one from them! I feel like spending an evening with my best mate is a present in itself. You don’t need to buy each other shite, each other’s time is priceless (and free!!) and if they’re true mates they should know how skint you are, and understand. Also remember this, you don’t give to receive so if they get one for you…they probably don’t expect one back…you’re not in high school anymore.

6. If you are proper poor this year, get yourself to a craft shop and buy some stuff to make vouchers with! You can make your own voucher for £10, £20, £30, spa vouchers, a trip to the hairdressers, a nail salon, cinema tickets, a meal out. And then you can pay later when the person wants to use their voucher! You’ve really bought yourself some time here. You could make a free pass voucher -E.G. to clean your brothers car, or babysitting your nieces/nephews for the evening; you can even give your other half a sex voucher! The possibilities are endless, just make sure you remember what you have promised. Write that shit down kids.




7. The pound shop is a fabulous place. Home bargain, B&M and Quality Save are also wonderful. Charity shops-Brilliant! Open your mind and get shopping. Also, if you buy from charity shops your money is going to a good cause, which also feels very Christmassy!

8.Three for two deals are a dream! You can find these at Boots, Whsmiths, Argos, Very, M&S.

9.If you can bake, who doesn’t love a nice bit of cake? If you can’t bake, get a pre made cake mix and follow the instructions, it’s not hard. Get personalising some cup cakes, people will love them and it costs fuck all! Or brownies, Victoria sponge, whatever tickles your fancy!



One year Amelie and her husband were skint saving for their wedding, they made cute jars of peppermint creams, Amelie got the sewing machine out and made Cushions and even knocked out some oil paintings and a memory book! BTW… She’s no Picasso. Sly.
What else can you make? Think outside the box here! A jam jar with some fairy lights in from poundland looks amazing and costs a pittance. A framed carefully selected picture of a loved one will warm hearts. Every woman loves candles, and they can be really inexpensive. Get your thinking cap on.



11. Buying for kids?
Remember little ones don’t give a shit where their present is from! They don’t know if you’ve got the real Elsa Disney doll or the cheap one off eBay via Taiwan. They’re just buzzing their tits off that they have a new toy! (And depending on how old they are will be happy with just the wrapping paper or a balloon!) Kids aren’t snobs. They are the best to buy for by a country mile.

12.Funny stuff. Who doesn’t like a laugh? A personalised mug with a crap joke written on it. A naked man apron. A dirty joke book. Even go old school and get a whoopie cushion! Amazon and eBay are great for joke presents. My brother bought my other brother a Bruno style mankini one year and he loved it! (A bit too much to be honest, it went on a few stag dos with him, dread to think where it is now, vom!)



13.If all fails, prosecco is only a fiver in Aldi. Who doesn’t like prosecco? Prosecco ho ho ho.




Good luck guys and enjoy yourselves, this is really cringe but the best things in life are free!




Merry Christmas!

Love Clara



Quotes made using Typorama. All photos copyright free- pixabay or Utterly Ferals own.



7 thoughts on “How to boss Christmas when you’re Piss Poor

  1. We definitely share an ethos when it comes to Christmas on a shoestring. My motto is totally ‘It’s the thought that counts’. But it shall not become, ‘It’s the thought and the cava that counts.’ I prefer cava to prosecco (and these days it’s cheaper as less trendy….) #bigpinklink

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Fantastic! Made me feel loads better about my rubbish attempt at Christmas shopping…but still so much more to do… Prosecco should be the top of everyone’s list. #bigpinklink

    Liked by 1 person

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