A few things that rattle my cage- Amelie


I’m generally a ‘the glass is half full’ type of gal. But there are a few things in life which I cannot stand!


Here goes…


Cotton wool

Can’t abide it. Never mind waterboarding ..all the CIA would have to do to me is wrap me up in a 100% wool throw and feed me cotton wool balls. I’d be singing like a canary.




My theory is, if the fucker started out life protected by a shell.. It does not want to be eaten. In fact I’m generally against any food that you have to boil until it finally gives up the ghost and reveals itself through extreme heat. I think I read that lobsters scream when they’re cooked too. I actually feel sorry for shellfish imagine being boiling hot, opening your shell a touch to cool yourself down and BAM …you’re dead. WTF! I’m out.




We have a huge garden and lots of excellent, well thought out ideas. But I just don’t like gardening. In fact I can’t think of anything more fucking boring at this stage in my life. I’m just not quite there yet. I really want to be, but man it’s a yawn fest.




Bitchy Whispering

I fucking detest secretive whispering… Like whispering when people go quiet when you walk into a room. Unless it’s fucking state secret..spit the bastard out.



Women who change for their men

Just do your thing. Be real to yourself and if someone doesn’t like the way you talk, dress or act then tell them to fucking swivvel. Never be someone you’re not.



Contrary Mary’s

Do you know them daft pricks that argue with everything just because they think they’re taking the moral high ground or far more intelligent than you?
What colour is this?



It’s a red square isn’t it? Plain as day. A contrary Mary would say “actually I think that’s a scarlet quadrilateral, the shape has feelings too….blah blah fucking blah!”


Make up shaming

When other women say..

“I can’t understand how you wear make up every day”

Well it’s fucking simple really…I don’t want to look like an ugly old hag so it takes five minutes to eliminate that problem from my life. if you don’t want to wear it, that’s fine..l but I like painting my face and I shouldn’t  have to feel like I’m trying too hard.I was just brought up to present myself that way.

My mum even tells me to make sure I’m available to do her face when she’s in her coffin.



‘Steak and blowjob day’

What in the name of Christ is this?! Get to fuck!

I mean…come on. Ain’t no woman worth her salt buying into that shit.
He can have a ‘Steak and count himself lucky he has a sexy bastard of a wife like me day’.


Top trumpers

You know for example when you sprain your ankle and are on crutches then someone says…

Oh yeah, I remember when I did that and it was so much worse!’

Or when you say

“Oh, I’ve booked us a lovely hotel…its four star can’t wait!”

And knobhead top trumper says something like,

“Yes, I remember when I went there and I stayed in the fucking palace with the queen!”

Know what I mean? Just let us live our mediocre lives in peace.


Toilet brushes

Just fucking no.
Doesn’t take a minute to just wipe the toilet with some loo roll after a movement and throw some bleach down . My husband would go on and on and fucking on about this when we first moved in together. But, I’m happy to say he’s a first rate shit wiper now. #welltrained
Once you have the shit wiping down all it takes is a cloth a couple of times a week.
Just thinking about that poo festering away in a toilet brush holder makes me want to scream…or vomit.





Squidgy things in my mouth.

Don’t be fucking rude! I’m talking about food… No word of a lie I vomited in the sink the other day because a piece of bacon fat literally slid down my throat it was either swallow or gag to death. So I swallowed…then gagged to near death anyway. My gag reflex is the absolute worst… My hubby is pleased- not.



When people think they are more intelligent because they don’t swear and/or talk about inappropriate things. Well actually fuck you, my vocabulary is wider and my mind far more open because I’m not afraid to say exactly what I want.




Twat knots

Aka top knots on men. Just don’t.


What about you? Do you have any irrational dislikes like I do?

Share them with us!

Just so you know…I’m not total hater… Here’s a few things that float my boat! 

Love Amelie



Quotes made using Typorama. Images copyright free.


4 thoughts on “A few things that rattle my cage- Amelie

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