Ten things I buzz my tits off about-Freya

Right so, I definitely

found this quite a challenge. To actually think of ten things I like.

Amelie and Clara always tell me I’m a moaning wench but I beg to differ.
Having said that, I got to number five on the list and thought,
Fuck, I’m a miserable arsehole!
It took me a good half hour to think of anymore.
So here we go, ten things I buzz my tits off about.

1.My children

..especially when they are behaving! Nothing like getting through a day where both the mini ferals haven’t acted up.
It’s absolutely magical. I think because it happens so rarely I appreciate it all the more when I make it through the day without screaming.
Aside from them acting like arseholes a lot of the time and beating the shit out of each other regularly, they are little legends. Both gorgeous (that’s our amazing genes right there) and well mannered (to every fucker else apart from us) and they they don’t half make me proud. I can’t believe I have actually managed to raise two little amazing people, being such an utter dickhead myself.

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2.Chocolate

The second love of my life!
I have got a serious sweet tooth! The amount of chocolate I consume is ridiculous! I can easily smash in a couple of family bags to myself in one sitting. Piece of piss!
Even when I’ve had my tea and I’m fully fucking bursting I can always find room for chocolate. I swear I should be about 20 stone.
I couldn’t even pick a favourite, because I’m such a greedy twat I will have whatever’s going.

3. Anything gory!

I had dreams of becoming a pathologist (until I met Mr C during my A levels and royally fucked school off!)
I wanted to go to university. When I did my work experience in the hospital pathology department I was totally gutted they didnt let me me see any dead bodies in the morgue because I was only 17.
Also, If anyone has a spot I want to pop it! Amelie and I had a seriously good time squeezing a twenty year old giant blackhead out of Clara once. Fond memories.
I can watch spot popping videos on youtube for hours. That shit is so satisfying!
If anyone has an injury, cut, broken leg, manky eye or anything- I’m there, having a nosy.
A fella at the gym this week severed the tendons in his arm trying to break into his house pissed (legend) of course I was there asking to see the state of his arm and if he had any pictures.

4.Chanel handbags

Oh now, Chanel handbags……. don’t get me started! I love them!
I’m a very lucky girl and I treated myself to one for my 30th birthday last year. I just thought ‘fuck it! I’m having it’.. Could get hit by a bus tomorrow, know what I mean.
I might sell the one I have soon and buy a new one cause the likelihood is I will never own two. My savings are depleted after the first Chanel purchase and trying to get money out of mr c is like getting blood out of a stone. He went off his tits when I bought the last one and it was my own money!

5. I love fashion!

I’m an absolute fashion whore. I used to be a visual merchandiser and a stylist and I loved it. I mean I basically got paid to shop and pick out outfits! Amazing.
I have dreams of becoming a personal shopper, not one of these that work in a department store (although the discount would be nice) but a freelance one that dresses celebrities and high profile people.

I’m not scared to wear something a bit wacky and the girls often name my garments.

‘Yetti’ and ‘Gypsy Rose Lee’ being my favourites.

6. Keeping fit

I kind of hate going to the gym but at the same time I’m a gym bunny. I go about 4-5 times a week. I just go to look amazing in a bikini and counteract all the chocolate I eat. Not to be healthy and look after my body or any of that boring shite.
Now I bet your wondering what the ‘liking’ part in all this is?
Well I LOVE it the next day when you can’t fucking get down the stairs/sit on the loo/physically move without being in complete pain cause you have overdone it at ‘ass n abs’.
You know then that the shift you put in the day before has worked wonders for your fat arse!

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7. Skiing!

I haven’t been for years but I’m desperate to go again. As soon as Mr C hangs up his footy boots that’s the first thing we are doing.
It’s so good, I particularly love the pubs you find on piste! Casually skiing down a mountain and you can stop off for a sauvignon blanc! Brilliant.

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8. Series obsession.

Starting a really good series on telly is the one. My current faves are the Walking dead and Game of thrones. Amelie and I spend hours chatting shit about them, like they’re real life.
I think the walking dead traumatised me forever after the first episode of the current series. Terrible shit went down and I’m still struggling to come to terms with it. Now, THAT’S what I want from a show!

9.Nails

There’s something to be said for a new set of acrylics. When your nails are freshly painted and lovely, life is so much better. It doesn’t matter that you may have just risked catching HIV off the Chinese nail salon drill that hasn’t been sterilised in years and has just been used on Beryl’s minging trotters. Who cares. Your hand’s look lovely and your nails are on fleek.
I’m a firm believer that everyone should have nice nails. Your hands are always on show. A pet hate of mine is dirty nails. Absolutely fucking rank. Can’t cope, won’t cope, will never cope with this. Wash your hands you dirty bastards!

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10. Pugs

Gotta love a pug haven’t you?!
I’ve got one, she’s called Matilda! Yes she stinks, is the biggest contributer to the house being a shithole and costs me hundreds in the vets. But, boy do I love her.

 

 

I’m not such a miserable bastard after all am I?

Love Freya

xxx

 

All photos UF’s own/copyright free. Typorama and animal head app used.

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2 thoughts on “Ten things I buzz my tits off about-Freya

  1. You love chocolate eh? Well I am about to change your life. Have you heard of the big taste dairy milk oreo bar? Seek one out. Trust me. I’ve not been the same since.

    Liked by 1 person

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