Mother’s Day- “I just want a fucking lie in!”

Mother’s Day in my house is generally like any other day of the year……apart from the fact I get a card (usually the ones the mini ferals have made at school because Mr C is a useless shit cunt when it comes to the thoughtful stuff). Having said that, he has improved and for the last couple of years I have received a shop bought card signed by the children. Fuck all else mind, not even flowers from the garage!

 

image

 

Anyway, it’s got me to thinking about what my perfect Mother’s Day might look like. You know, if I had my way and got duly rewarded by Mr C for being a shit hot mum and partner. I don’t think he’d stretch to diamonds, Chanel handbags or Valentino shoes.

 

That’s fine because what I would love most anyway is…….

*DRUM ROLL*

Just to be left the fuck alone for a day

 

 

I don’t want to be cliche and celebrate being a mum on Mother’s Day. I want a break. I want to relax. I want to sit in bed with a packet of hobknobs reading Mills and Boon in my onesie.

 

 

So what I really want is the shit money can’t buy…

1

I want a lie in! And I don’t mean until 7:30! I mean well past 10am! Like the old days before kids. This is the shit you dream of! Preferably undisturbed by the children beating each other to death or by the sound of minecraft youtube videos.

 

2

Breakfast in bed, I’m not fussy just a cup of tea and a bastard banana would do.
Also, I want to eat it alone in the bed. The family can enter to present me with gifts aand such like, maybe a quick kiss, but that’s it.

 

 

3

When I finally get up, I don’t want to see any form of mess! I expect the dishwasher to be emptied and there should be no shite on the table or work tops.

I often dream of a day when some other daft prick will iron and fold all of the washing for me.

 

 

4

So every Sunday the eldest feral child has football.
I’m not going! Nope, not on Mother’s Day. Nuh uh. I want some alone time.
I actually quite like going to the football (sometimes), but not today sunshines!
Mr C can go and whilst he’s at it he can take the youngest with him too.
A frequent dream of mine is that Mr C will book me into a lovely spa to relax for a few hours. Just like that… Pah. The reality is that I will be at home trying not to clean up the shit storm left downstairs because I’ve been in bed all morning!
I might try and catch up on trashy telly and possibly even treat myself to getting ready in peace! A bath? Maybe, probably haven’t got the time though. All these gift guides which list bath salts as a top ten Mother’s Day gift make me fume! What a pile of shite. Just give us a bottle of wine and 20 cigs if you want to help us relax.

 

 

5

Seeing as I’m not lifting a finger today, which means no cleaning but also no cooking too, getting taken out for lunch would be nice, wouldn’t it? Dream on Freya.
So it will be a trip up to mother ferals to give her an extortionate bunch of flowers from the local florist. Robbing bastards.
She’ll cook us a roast, and she’ll probably be bladdered by 1pm. She will be fucked off that shes slaving away on what should be a day of rest. She’s a mother too like. Father feral will be sat in his chair watching football. Standard.

Anyway, because she’s bladdered- naturally I will get arseholed too. I will think she’s got the right idea- and that maybe I won’t have to do the bedtime routine if I’m comatose.
Win.

 

 

image

 

 

Do you know what I’m saying? I don’t want much, just some peace and quiet and maybe a little  bunch of shitty flowers. I love my kids, but holy fuck… sometimes we just need that time to kick back and relax.

 

Happy Mother’s Day!

 

Love Freya

xxx

 

Photos copyright free. Typorama for quotes.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s