The non-fruit feral guide to baby size

It occurred to me that many first time mums, like myself, or even the experienced birthers amongst us havent got a fucking clue what’s happening inside their bodies from one week to the next during pregnancy.

So we download an app don’t we? I’ve found Baby Centre quite helpful. It gives you a week by week update as to what the baby is getting up to and provides you with forums on which to vent your frustrations or ask your thicko questions. Great stuff. So we know when we are growing the different body parts and how thick our cervical mucus is. Splendid.


then we want to know how big or how long our baby is…

And everywhere you look you find a bastard fruit or vegetable. How horrendously tedious. Also, some of them I’ve never even seen in real life.

“Your baby is the size of a kumquat”.

A kum-what sorry?


I don’t know about you, but I feel like I’m having a fucking fruit salad not a baby. So with that in mind I thought I’d give you the ‘feral’ viewpoint on baby size. (Disclaimer- Size estimates are approximate!)


Feel free to share- the photos are on Facebook for your friend tagging/sharing pleasure. Just look here!









It’s simple when you look at it like that, isn’t it?

My baby is about the length of a bottle of prosecco now! 😍

Lots of love guys,





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