“Are you sure it isn’t twins?” (Pregnancy update Weeks 1-33!)

Yeah so, I haven’t managed to update you weekly but in all honesty…I didn’t want to bore you to near death.
I just thought it was about time I let you all know how this pregnancy is going.

 

I haven’t got that many exciting things to tell you really.

 

In the early weeks…

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I had many exorcist style projectile voms (Mr S followed me round with flash wipes and a mop for like two months). In addition to that, I had ten weeks of constant nausea. The notion of MORNING sickness is dreadful bullshit- all day sickness is what that is!

Then there were headaches that could rival my deepest, darkest red wine hangovers and tiredness that had me snoozing by 7pm most nights.

But that’s over now. Thank Fuck.

 

So apart from feeling like a gigantic fat cow I’m essentially smashing. Baby feral is kicking and squirming away; depleting me of my iron stores and giving me fat fingers. Marvellous! I’m anaemic, but nothing I can’t remedy with a couple of months worth of iron tablets. I’m just starting to feel a bit tired again now, although I did feel quite dizzy most mornings a few weeks ago. Having said that, I’d rather the baby takes what it needs from me and leaves me short of something, than the alternative.
I’m just glad I don’t have gestational diabetes, high blood pressure or cholestasis. So I really can’t complain!

 

Clara and Freya ask me on a daily basis whether I have piles or not yet. They are extremely disappointed that I’ve escaped them so far. Nice friends aren’t they? Cheers lads.

😏

 

I haven’t weighed myself..

..since my booking in appointment. I just don’t feel I want to know the extent of the weight loss task ahead of me just yet. Either that or I’m in extreme denial.

 

(Clue: I think it’s the latter!)

 

I have events early next year and already have the horror sweats about potentially being the token fatty in the photos.

This was a few weeks ago..

 

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But in reality,

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Oh I almost forgot how fucking annoying is the constant need to wee too?! I was up about six times for a tinkle last night. It is a bit irksome to say the least. But, I’m yet to actually piss myself. Hurrah!

Talking of irksome, here are some annoying things people say to pregnant ladies:

 

 

💜1. “Oh god, you really ARE heavily pregnant now aren’t you?”
Well why don’t you just come over here and piss all over my chips.

They could just substitute this line for-

Wow you are one fat bastard now aren’t you?”

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Just when I thought I was looking like Kate fucking Moss.

Someone actually said those exact words to me. Yes, she’s still alive. Just.

 

 

💜2.”Are you sure it isn’t twins?”
Wow! Original and hilarious, double win. Pretty fucking sure it’s just the one like. NEXT!

 

 

💜3. “Can I touch it!?”
Aside from thinking to myself ‘I’m assuming you mean my bump? Anything else would be inappropriate’.

Do you know what, I totally don’t mind this, I’ve added this in here merely because I’m annoyed that other pregnant ladies have made people feel bad about wanting to stroke a baby bump. So bad, they feel they have to ask apologetically. It’s still amazing to me as a first time mum that there’s a baby in there, so I’m quite happy to share that with my pals.

 

 

💜4.”Ohh get your sleep in now! You’ll never sleep again!”

And the award for most heard pregnancy line goes to….

Yes, we get it. Babies cry. You don’t sleep. Babies are hard work. Blah blah fucking blah. No one expects it to be easy!

Sing me another one…

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💜5.”There’s no point in trying to be organised now, your life will be turned upside down when the baby comes!”
Why can’t people just let me live in my bubble of tidy organisation, I accept babies bring mess but I’d rather be prepared and have a place ready for the mess!

Why must they ruin my dreams? Why!?

 

 

💜6. “Was it planned?”
Yes thank you, and although I love discussing the ins and outs of my reproductive system with you I don’t really think it’s your business!

I could also have had a one night stand with a one eyed gypsy…but that ain’t your business either.

 

Also, here I go off on a tangent. But, before I was even pregnant someone said to me:

 

Oh but you hate children!”

 

They said that because I didn’t have any and had been married for four years, they assumed I hated kids! Wow! I found it extremely rude, especially because I love kids! Just because you’re married doesn’t mean you have to have children straight away or even ever. Maternity leave and raising a child ain’t cheap! At that moment, I also felt deeply sad for all the couples out there who must listen to nonsense like this while desperately wanting to add to their family but can’t. I know we’re lucky.

 

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💜7.”Oh, I worked right up until my due date”

“Oh did you, yeah? Well, bully for you! Aren’t you a fucking, god damn hero of a woman?” These people get right on my milk engorged tits! Don’t be a prick about it Sharon.

If I work until my due date I know I won’t be as focused as I could be and therefore run the risk of making shit clinical decisions. Also, not going to lie, I want to enjoy the last bit of ‘me time!’

Some people work right up until their due date by happy accident or financial necessity- it’s not those ladies I’m talking about.

 

It’s a funny old world this pregnant lark isn’t it?

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Everyone seems to have advice for you, although I must admit I don’t mind listening to other people’s ideas! I adore ‘mum hacks’ and organisation inspired YouTube videos. I love watching Emily Norris, Kate Murnane and Mrs Meldrum over on YouTube. Give them a click to view their Facebook profiles!

Another thing I’ve noticed is that everyone looks after you. Making sure you don’t lift too much, don’t stand too much, don’t bend too much etc. Makes it awful tricky when you’re trying to do the bend and snap though, let me tell you.

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These are a few of my favourite pregnancy things:

 

💙Feeling our baby move! Just amazing and reassuring.

 

💙Huffing! I love huffing…like real big old sighs with a good groan thrown in. Makes me feel so much better, I do it when I don’t even feel that bad. Mr S rolls his eyes and laughs but I think it’s fabulous.

 

💙Tasty food: Like juicy fruit ice lollies, macaroni cheese and sandwiches are the absolute boys.

 

💙But my absolute favourite thing ever about being pregnant is: My husband looking after us! He is just so excited, so attentive and so amazing! But, don’t tell him I said that or anything…
We just can’t wait to meet our little one and find out who he or she looks like and start our little adventure as a family of three (plus four pets obviously!)

 

So there we have it, seven weeks to go and the nesting has massively kicked in. The next time you hear from me it will probably be to discuss what I’m currently calling ‘hyper-nesting’, because, what I’m doing currently with seven weeks to go is really not normal!

 

Lots of love,

Amelie

Xxx

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